Life is a bumper-to-bumper highway
I’m slicing through the clouds at 1,000 feet while the cool wind rushes past my face, my red cape flapping behind me, a big red ‘D’ is displayed on my chest, spandex is chaffing – Perhaps I should have left out the spandex part.
This is a typical day in my life, if I’m not daydreaming about being a superhero, then it’s the thought of inventing my very own hover-car. The reason? So I can get past this blasted traffic congestion caused by Winnipeg’s construction season.
It’s that time of year again; when dusty roads give me sneezing fits and those lovely orange and yellow street signs begin to emerge from their winter hibernation. The grief and anxiety that this causes me is sometimes too much to bear. I think to myself, “Okay, its 7:55 am, I should go down this road to avoid the traffic down this road, and – oh, wait! There is usually a bus that makes its frequent stops at this time. Okay, I’ll take the other road. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.”
No matter what, there’s always a train. Jeez.
Do you see my frustration? Why can’t life be simpler? Perhaps someone will soon invent those nifty transporters, much like what you see in Star Trek episodes. Or maybe what we can do is have Manitoba Public Insurance supply roaming massage therapists along these congested thoroughfares. All I need is a quick two-minute backrub to get me loosened up as I wait for the four lanes of traffic being forced to merge into one.
In reality, I am not as frustrated as I may sound. Traffic in Winnipeg is not that bad. I’ve seen worse and experienced way worse. We have it good people. But I love talking about traffic because it boils the blood of many a Winnipeg driver.
I like watching people squirm in their car as they wait for their turn to move ahead. It’s not like you will get to your destination faster if you get angry, right? So let’s just sit back, relax, tune into your favourite radio station or perhaps daydream like I do. If you don’t daydream, here are some ideas of mine, which I don’t mind you trying out.
• Daydream about the aforementioned superhero in tights. You can fly through the air, see through walls, fight the bad guys or you can simply just wear spandex – if that’s your thing. Remember this is all in your head; don’t wear spandex for real.
• Catch up with the latest crossword or Soduku puzzle. These I personally do not tackle myself, simply because it involves thinking way too hard. For some of you, this may be what you’re looking for to kill some time.
• Been delaying an oil change? Been driving on borrowed time? If the pros can perform an oil, lube and filter change in ten minutes, you can do it in 30 minutes. Good luck and remember to recycle your oil.
• Shave. This could apply to both men and women. Why waste time doing this at home when you can do this whilst stuck in traffic.
• Shop. With the introduction of new mobile phone technology, you can now surf the web, check out your BFF’s Facebook status, or check out what Britney Spears is up to on Twitter. But most importantly you can shop! What’s new on eBay? Why not buy that paisley sweater you’ve been eyeing in the mall or why not splurge and buy the summer tires and rims you’ve been ogling on your neighbour’s car? Do it, but I’ll warn you it’s addicting.
• Or you can do what I’ve seen on a few occasions, and lift weights with your free hand. Weird but true.
As you can see there are so many different scenarios you can play out in your car. Feel free to expand on my list and send me your ideas. The crazier the better, I’m going to need it. Apparently the bridge construction will be around a few more months.
As bad as construction season can get, there is a silver lining to this time of year. With the snow gone, it will soon be time to open up the cottage for the year. I don’t know what excites me more, the thought of basking in the sun on the beach or hammering my finger purple while renovating our summer home. Either way, I’m wearing spandex.
Dale manages the Communications Department for a Winnipeg school division and is currently in the trial stages of testing his hover-car prototype.